Articulating my deepest desire …
First, to stay in close and living relationship with the Godhead – my God, my Jesus and the Holy Spirit I share with all living beings.
That relationship means living within the circumstances of these months, the diagnosis that is not for nothing, the diminishment that will necessarily occur, the surrender of so much that I have been used to, and with the patience that accepts the suffering as gift, as a means of perfecting and polishing the gem of my life that has formed over these 82 years.
The intensity of my being, so often mistaken, is but an outward expression of the deep love I have for this God, this relationship, and of the fruit that has slowly ripened after being bud, flower, and fertilised cells that form first the green fruit and then the ripening one.
God is the god of my days. When my work on this earth is done, my life will be taken from me. Synchronously I will surrender my life. I pray that I will honour to the end the truth, goodness and beauty that relationship with this God has enabled, through grace, mercy and huge amounts of compassion.
Resting in this grace, mercy and compassion today, resting mind, body and soul. Let these days of discernment bring the peace that passes understanding.
I write thankfully and sincerely, and watch and listen for the whisper of the Spirit.